I’ve… been pondering. Over the last few hours I’ve come to ask a question vital to every human being. Who am I? I’ve often thought long and hard on those many things and yet tonight I’m almost starting again, like who I am has completely changed. I don’t know that I pin it to the movie I just saw but I think it triggered it; the film was August Rush. It brought me back to feeling like the core in myself isn’t as simple as I’ve summed it up to be. I’m doubting things I’ve always just thought to believe and know and I’m questioning huge parts of who I am, what I want to do with my life, who I will meet and know in the span of my life and I’ve really been pondering how my next 20 years will be and how will they compare to the last 20.

I’m noticing that I want to take life a little slower and enjoy it whilst following the calling put on every human being to help others in need and those who have less than we do. I’m almost stuck in a trance of not wanting to do anything but ponder these feelings, thoughts and beliefs until the questions I pose myself are answered in full tonality. I guess I just don’t want to make a waste of the life God gave me and get to the end and sit there saying “God, you wanted me over there? Well I was over here” “You wanted me doing this? Well, I was doing that.” and making a waste of something that could be so much more.

I’m not sure why this is all hitting me so suddenly, but maybe it’s because I’ve been living life in the fast lane for awhile and it’s time for me to slow it down a bit and start grasping what’s going on all around me. August Rush brought this to the forefront for me as it is a film that brings characters together that have been looking for each other and they don’t even know when it’s right in front of them. It carries the story of a boy with gifts that he follows to essentially bring him to the place that he’s been called to since birth, the place he’s always knew was there with people who always wanted him, but he had to be patient and follow the music and use his gifts to get there. I’m sincerely at a peace in my spirit right now and I’m hoping that I can keep listening for the music and use my gifts to follow it to the person I know is waiting for me and has always wanted me, ever since the day He created me.